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You know those really faint childhood memories; ones of you that only last a second…

The mind strains to hold onto them – to stay in that moment. That happiness. That longing.

Playing Pokemon Blue Version on my Gameboy by a river while Dad and my sister fished.

My 10th birthday – coming out of the tent and my dad hands me pancakes and my mom hands me apple cider from over the fire.

Getting stuck in a downpour in a park’s gazebo for two hours while my Mom read my sister and I a book and fell asleep on the benches with our heads on her lap.

Falling asleep by the slowly dying fireplace on Christmas Eve in my sleeping bag next to my sister while we waited for Santa.

The pain of knowing you will never relive those moments fully again. The pain of longing for such moments to last forever. The pain of knowing you might be in the midst of a golden moment right now that you will never regain.

Watching my bride descend the wooden staircase toward the aisle on her fathers arm. I asked the minister, “Can’t this moment last forever?” He came back, “It does.”

While “it does,” it remains only a silhouette of the moment.

I can merely remember pieces of these moments. These moments that I once knew.

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from Chris LaRue: Lo​-​Fi Meditations, released February 11, 2020
( ©️ Chris LaRue Horton & Evergreen Prefecture)

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Chris LaRue Tulsa, Oklahoma

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